there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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