just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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