I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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