did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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