i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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