Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
