Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
