dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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