jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
