hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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