dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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