And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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