You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
