Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
