People in love make me want to vomit
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
