Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
