end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
