Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
