I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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