I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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