We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
