oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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