i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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