The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
