so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
