Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
