He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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