I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
