dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
