i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
