lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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