I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
