The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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