Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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