After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
