my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
