I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
