I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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