Me. At least after what I've been through.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
