She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
