meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dick very happy bro
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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