you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
