this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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