I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
