I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
