We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
