I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
