last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
