Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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