Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
